I adored my father. His name was Ernest Payne Carter. He was a big man; his nickname in the neighborhood was “Heavy”. I remember walking with him outside and only being able to wrap my hand around his pinky finger because his hands were so large. As a little girl, my father was bigger than life. He took up every nook and cranny of space and I was here for it! Ernest Payne Carter was a complicated man. I know now that he faced many challenges: he grew up in the segregated South, made his way up North, got a job in a factory where he worked until retirement, married my mom, and together they had five children. I also know that sometimes the challenges that he faced externally showed up in many ways at home. The older he got, the less he would come out of his bedroom. We would have Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas dinners, and birthday parties, but unless it was work-related my dad would not leave his room. Not to greet people, not to get a plate (we would bring them to him), and when his mother died, we all headed to the funeral while my Dad stayed in his bedroom. I say all of this not to paint a disparaging picture of my father. He was loved, and he loved.
In 1999, I had planned a trip to Ghana and Senegal with a group of Black professionals. The previous year, we had taken a trip to South Africa that was quite transformative for me. I was looking forward to seeing what would unlock for me in this new space. A few weeks before the trip, my father unexpectedly passed away. The trip to Ghana and Senegal was quickly canceled, and life changed. In the days leading up to my father’s funeral, I remember going into his closet and just sitting on the floor, smelling his clothes not ever wanting to forget that feeling of being surrounded by him, of him taking up every nook and cranny of space as he did when I was little.
When I was accepted into the WTIG program, it of course brought back memories of my first attempt to come to Ghana. I didn’t know it would take 24 years, but here I am, joy-filled with a perpetual smile on my face. Meeting the elders yesterday, presenting my father, Ernest Payne Carter as the ancestor I chose to bring with me, made my heart so happy. My daddy, who sat in his room for so many years, came along on this trip.
To the entire WTIG community, I am so grateful for this opportunity to connect, restore, uplift, and build. To my father, Ernest Payne Carter, I say, “I love you and we are home.”
-Denise CarterMataboge, Grade four Teacher, Neighborhood Charter School Harlem, New York